The Cinemasitter

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  • Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)

    If Starship Troopers 2 aimed low but managed to hit some of its targets, part 3 aims higher but misses far more. Some will find ST3 better than part two simply because it is more in keeping with the scope of the first film, but for my money, it is the least enjoyable of the three.

    The ‘War on Bugs’ rumbles on, and Colonel John Rico (Casper Van Dien, reprising his role from the first film), though still loyal to the Federation, has become a bit more cynical about the conflict since we last saw him. After a bar brawl, he is convicted of treason and sentenced to hang. However, the Federation actually has other plans for him: to head up a top-secret team that will take on the most terrifying bug yet.

    After the ultra-cheap first sequel, it appeared that the Troopers franchise was dead in the water. But clearly a reasonable profit was made, so this second sequel was announced, along with a slightly improved budget. Even better, this budget stretched far enough to rope in the star of the original movie, Casper Van Dien (although I’m not sure he was that hard to get: given the state of his post-Troopers career, he would probably have made this film for $20 and a Snickers bar).

    Certainly the return of Van Dien as Johnny Rico is worth some sort of a cheer (of course, only in a Troopers sequel could the appearance of CVD raise any sort of a cheer). Whatever you might think of his thespian skills, he provides some welcome continuity from ST1. Also returning is Ed Neumeier, writer of parts one and two, as writer for part three, as well as making his directorial debut here. Neumeier is a decent genre writer, so any effort from him is usually worth a look.

    Unfortunately, without the sure hand of a director like Paul Verhoeven at the helm, it seems Neumeier let this one get away from him. The script is a fairly messy affair that aims to mix the crowd-pleasing action of the first film with a satire on government involvement with religion. Sounds good on paper, but it fails on both counts.

    The action, just as in the first sequel, is limited by the low budget of the production. Although there are several locations used in this film, and a variety of battles, they mostly look like bargain basement stuff. In trying to match the first film without the same resources, the film ends up looking like a (reasonably budgeted) TV show. The final battle, involving Rico’s super squad tooled up with the Marauder suits from the original Robert Heinlein novel, should have been a winner. Instead it is a fleeting damp squib, lasting barely a few seconds and cursed with some of the cheapest-looking CGI I’ve seen in quite some time.

    The satire, on the other hand, is just bewildering. The idea of the Sky Marshal (effectively President of the Federation) also topping the charts as a pin-up pop star is an amusing idea, but this sets the film up as a spoof of American Idol, The X Factor and the like. A dictator being worshipped as a hero by his people is nothing new of course, but here it is basically played for cheap laughs, and thus feels somewhat out of place.

    More confusing are the religious themes of the film. It’s never terribly clear exactly what Neumeier is trying to say. Sometimes it seems he’s attacking people for believing in any religion at all (someone is admonished for believing in “the wrong God!”); then at the end, the (always wonderful) FedNet announcer states “Federation experts agree that: A: God exists, B: He’s on our side, C: He wants us to win” – clearly a swipe at the way that governments use religion for their own dastardly ends. Yet lead character, and former Rico squeeze, Lola Beck (Jolene Blalock) becomes a believer in a weird sort of happy ending. Some reviewers have even suggested Neumeier is pushing a pro-Christian agenda. So what is the audience supposed to make of it all?

    The rest of the film doesn’t fare much better. It’s good to see a story that involves other planets, and the surprising return of a key villain from the first film creates some intrigue. The story’s focus isn’t always clear – we start off expectedly following Rico, but he then disappears for several prolonged stretches while the story’s main plot is developed.

    The new characters aren’t up to much either. Jolene Blalock plays pretty much the same character she played in Star Trek: Enterprise. Stephen Hogan’s Sky Marshal Anoke is amusing for a while, and Amanda Donohoe adds a bit of value as a high-ranking Federation official. It would have been nice to see one or two other characters from the original beyond Rico – what are Jake Busey or Neil Patrick Harris doing these days anyway? Van Dien himself is fine, clearly at home playing the simple American good guy (though he does look surprisingly short in or two shots).

    So a messy second sequel overall. It has its moments, but the confusing tone, uneven pace and lacklustre action seriously impede one’s enjoyment. Unless Sony decide to invest some serious cash in a proper sequel, it regrettably might be time to lay this franchise to rest.

    [xrr rating=2/5]

  • Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (2004)

    Having reviewed the first Starship Troopers film recently, I feel duty-bound, as a hopeless completist, to review its direct-to-dvd sequels, Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation and Starship Troopers 3: Marauder. First up, ST2.

    Immediately after viewing ST for the first time, a sequel went straight to the top of my most wanted movies. All sorts of possibilities presented themselves: new worlds, bigger battles, even more thrills and spills. Sadly, the distinctly average box-office returns from the first film destroyed any hope of this. Though fanboy interest like mine sustained the occasional rumour, a sequel looked ever more unlikely.

    However, these hopes had reckoned without the booming straight-to-dvd market a few years later. Sony decided that they wanted a piece of this action, and began to scour for potential franchises that might make suitable material for a cheapo sequel. Fortunately for them, the team behind the first movie (producer Jon Davison, writer Ed Neumeier and SFX king Phil Tippett) presented them with an offer: a sequel to Starship Troopers, made for just 5% of the original film’s $100m budget. How could they say no?

    Originally Clancy Brown was set to reprise his role as Sgt. Zim from the first film as the lead in the sequel, but schedule clashes forced him to pull out. So his character was rewritten as Dax, played by Richard Burgi, and one suspects this was ultimately for the best, given the film’s ending.

    ST2 posits that the war has ground to a stalemate since the first film, with neither side gaining the upper hand. On one planet, a small bunch of surviving troopers hole up in an abandoned command post, waiting for rescue. In this small enclosed space (a useful plot device for the low budget), a new type of bug with a very cunning plan makes its presence known…

    Given its extreme budgetary limitations, Hero of the Federation could have been a hell of a lot worse. Certainly, with no characters being carried over from the first film, and without the directorial muscle of Verhoeven (or, it has to be said, the financial muscle that came with him), ST2 fails to convincingly expand on the themes of the original film. Any fan looking for the all-out action of ST1 will be sorely disappointed. Bits of SFX footage from the original crop up here as FedNet newsreel footage; FedNet itself is sadly only retained as a bookend device. And the new battles are indeed rather cheap looking, particularly so in the opening sequence.

    The real weakness however lies in Phil Tippett’s direction. Admittedly his hands were tied in terms of budget, but a stronger director would probably have been able to hide it better. Certainly they would have tightened the pace and developed the atmosphere of tension a lot more. The look of the film is also rather flat – again, this is due in part to the budget and technology used, so perhaps Tippett couldn’t do much about that. Nevertheless, the film suffers for it.

    That is not to say that the film is a total loss though. As a companion piece that pushes forward the story of the bug war, it succeeds to a degree (if one can look past the production values). The epic tone of Verhoeven’s original is gone, true; but in its place is one of claustrophobic sci-fi/horror, similar to John Carpenter’s The Thing. There’s a nice smattering of satire in Neumeier’s script which goes some way to bridging the gap between the two; the Federation remains the villain here, as it was in the original, and Dax’s cynicism about his government is the logical conclusion to a war that has repeatedly failed to be won (as promised in ST1).

    The cast aren’t too bad – Burgi is good value, while the rest play their parts well enough. The film’s ending is good too, with the Federation presenting Dax as a Stakhanov-type figure to boost their government’s popularity and their troops’ morale – a tone certainly in keeping with that of its predecessor.

    Unable to compete with the original film, ST2 deliberately lowered its ambitions and as a result feels like a much smaller movie than one might have wished for. But it does succeed on its own limited terms if, like me, you are a fairly forgiving viewer.

    [xrr rating=3/5]

  • Birthday Blues and Red Shoes

    A very bad headline for this post, which is probably appropriate. Things have been quiet here at The Ark lately, and that’s mostly because I’ve been delving in to a small pile of Blu-rays I was generously given for my birthday. Being a recent convert to the format, my collection is still rather small, so this was an opportunity to upgrade and expand a bit. The new arrivals included yet another copy of Blade Runner for my collection (a necessary acquisition, given the very good reviews for the disc), and some comic-book stuff like The Incredible Hulk and Hellboys 1 and 2. Seeing how fantastic these films look in 1080p almost makes one forget to enjoy the film itself.

    Not only that, I’ve also been attending this year’s Cambridge Film Festival, where I caught the newly-restored prints of The Red Shoes and The Godfather, as well as an early peek at the Darwin biopic Creation. The Godfather of course was magnificent as ever, but I wasn’t prepared for how much I would enjoy The Red Shoes. A beautiful film, and one that had me totally enthralled, especially during the stunning centrepiece Red Shoes ballet sequence. Quite quite brilliant.

    Creation was, I thought, a pretty good stab at a not-terribly cinematic subject. Director Jon Amiel, who attended a post-film Q & A, came across as a very enthusiastic and likeable guy who wanted to make a film that didn’t just regurgitate facts. It wasn’t perfect, but it did give the viewer a sense of the sheer immensity of Darwin’s theory.

    Michael Palin dropped by to promote his latest book of memoirs, and proved to be as affable in person as he is on screen. I thankfully managed to exchange one or two words with the great man without sounding too nerdish (I hope). His book signing was followed by an entertaining BAFTA tribute, as he talked with Mark Kermode on stage about his film career, interspersed with various clips. The event was filmed for a future Culture Show on BBC2, and I would recommend you taking a look when it goes out.

    Just prior to the Festival I managed to catch the revival of John Carpenter’s The Thing at the local multiplex. Like Godfather and Red Shoes, it looked superb for its age, and it was a pleasure to be able to see it on the big screen at last; Carpenter’s widescreen lensing always seems to suffer a little when watched on TV. Great stuff. Another 1982 classic ticked off my “Must See on a Big Screen” list.

    Anyway, enough chit-chat, the Blu-rays beckon once more…

  • Starship Troopers (1997)

    I herewith present my case for inducting Starship Troopers in to the Sci-Fi Cinema Hall of Fame (if such a thing were to exist). It may not wash with everyone (or indeed anyone), but dammit, that doesn’t mean I won’t try.

    Directed by Dutch lunatic Paul Verhoeven, ST was released in November 1997 in the States, and 2nd January 1998 here in the UK. Verhoeven had of course been responsible for two earlier sci-fi greats, Robocop and Total Recall, so a third effort in the genre was always going to be welcome. I had read some reports about its filming on ye olde internette prior to its release, and thought it sounded a bit like Aliens, which naturally got my immediate interest. When the adverts and posters started to appear at bus stops, I was even more intrigued (as I recall, the now-iconic image on some of the posters plastered all over London was the bug pincer sticking through an unfortunate trooper’s helmet – now used on the cover of the Troopers blu-ray trilogy boxset). I certainly hadn’t read the novel in advance, so I was going in pretty much blind, except for some reasonable advance reviews.

    I came out of the cinema completely blown away – it was such a rush. I don’t think I’ve had a movie experience to match it since. To be fair, I had only been going to the cinema regularly for 3 or 4 years at that point, so it didn’t have great competition, but even so, it was a memorably thrilling experience. Driving home with that much adrenaline pumping around inside you is probably not a wise move. Actor Michael Ironside appeared to agree; he commented in an interview around the time of the film’s release that (I’m paraphrasing here) he drove home after seeing it for the first time and failed to realise for some time that he was breaking the speed limit by a considerable margin.

    Verhoeven’s talent at directing action set pieces reached new heights here. Best of all is the Zulu-like battle at Whiskey Outpost, as hundreds of arachnids surge in to a military compound defended by a dozen or so troopers, guns blazing away, backed by Basil Poledouris’ pulsating score.

    Taken on this purely superficial level, ST excels as a sci-fi action movie. The $100m budget is all up on the screen, amid some of the finest special effects work I’ve ever seen. They certainly stand up just as well today. The bug battles are stupendous (Johnny Rico single-handedly taking down a rather large tanker bug is especially exhilarating), but so too are the starships themselves, floating like massive warships through space; the destruction of the Rodger Young and the rest of the fleet above Klendathu and Planet P is fairly jaw-dropping stuff.

    Comic-book sci-fi par excellence it may be, but on that level alone it wouldn’t rate as a classic. The satirical subtext that Verhoeven layers beneath the surface (none too subtly at times, it has to be said) adds a wicked streak of black humour to proceedings which gives the film an extra punch throughout. The director makes abundantly clear in his dvd commentary that the film takes a swipe at fascism and the role governments play in manipulating their people for their own ends. I read somewhere that the film has been interpreted as a celebration of fascism; the mind boggles at how it might be seen in this way. Short of unfolding an enormous sign at the end saying “This film loathes and rejects fascism in every conceivable way”, one wonders how much more explicitly its political views could be expressed.

    The tone is set right from the first scene, as we are introduced to the Mobile Infantry via a TV recruitment advert that looks suspiciously like a World War II propaganda short (the first of several references to WW2 – the Nazi-style uniforms worn throughout being another). This tongue-in-cheek announcements service, called FedNet, crops up at various points throughout the film, offering us snapshots of life under what is clearly a dictatorship, dressed up as an honest and just government. Televised hangings of “criminals”, interviews with “experts”, news reports with “eye witnesses” who always tow the party line – we’ve seen it all before, and we still do in certain parts of the globe.

    The political segregation of citizens from civilians is perhaps the most powerful tool the Federation has. In their world, only citizens are allowed to vote, go in to politics, get the best education, even have children. Civilians are therefore an underclass, allowed to live but otherwise not an active part of this society, so any dissenters can either safely be ignored or hauled out and made an example of. And how does one become a citizen? By signing up to do military service for the Federation. Presumably there are other ways, probably involving large piles of cash, though the film sadly doesn’t elaborate any further on this.

    The school we see in the beginning is also a tool of the government, indoctrinating children with the values of the Federation. Witness Ironside’s teacher extolling the virtues of a dictatorship versus a democracy:

    “This year in history, we talked about the failure of democracy. How the social scientists of the 21st Century brought our world to the brink of chaos. We talked about the veterans, how they took control and imposed the stability that has lasted for generations since.”

    and further on:

    “When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you’re using force. And force, my friends, is violence: the supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived.”

    Such apparently subversive comments surely cannot be taken in all seriousness. The fact that the Federation isn’t overthrown at the end of the film and power returned to the people in some kind of Hollywood Happy Ending is probably the reason why a few brain-deficient observers decided the film was condoning such a form of government, rather than bothering to read between the lines. I wonder if the same people voted for George W. Bush’s regime in 2004 – a regime that locked up people in Guantanamo Bay indefinitely without trial, much as the Federation might. Verhoeven himself states in his commentary that he believed “War makes fascists of us all”. The funniest thought of all is that the people living under the Federation’s rule seem to be perfectly happy with their government, apparently content at the stability it has brought.

    The real subversion is saved for the end of the film, when the audience’s loyalty, having initially sided with the humans, has almost switched to the side of the Arachnids. The merciless extermination of a few surviving bugs on Tango Urilla, followed by the capture of a terrified-looking Brain bug on Planet P (what glorious names!), serves to illustrate how the humans have become quite inhuman by the end. For all mankind’s technology and firepower, the bugs have easily matched their would-be exterminators through the power of nature alone.

    As an adaptation of the original novel, it is arguably less successful. Robert Heinlein’s book featured different technology, a few different characters, different events and even additional alien species. Unlike the film, it is also generally viewed as being pro-military, though it is certainly not pro-fascist. The book lacks the tongue-in-cheek approach taken by Verhoeven and Neumeier, being more focussed on what life is like being on the front line rather than the graphic bloody violence and love triangle of the film. But some of the changes were always going to be necessary in the transition to the big screen, and to be honest, I found the film’s approach of skewering fascism the more purely enjoyable one.

    But for all the political satire, there is just as much pleasure in seeing the film’s cast deliver Ed Neumeier’s dialogue. The fact that the three leads – Casper Van Dien, Denise Richards and Dina Meyer – couldn’t really act their way out of a paper bag is sort of the point. Their generic good looks and blandness serve to underline the fact that the youth of the world have been successfully indoctrinated and politically neutered, and are unquestioning fodder doing what they are told because they have been told it’s right. Having said that, they aren’t necessarily bad performances: Van Dien looks appropriately chiseled, Richards looks fairly pretty and unattainable (and is much less annoying here than she was in The World Is Not Enough), and Meyer is quite adept at playing the spunky girl-next-door, even if her death scene (spoiler) is more likely to generate laughter rather than tears. The film’s pacing is taut, ensuring that any stilted acting doesn’t slow proceedings down in the slightest.

    The best performances come from the veteran cast, including Clancy Brown as drill sergeant Zim, and the previously mentioned, ever-dependable Michael Ironside, who gets the single best line of dialogue, possibly from the whole of the 1990s: “They sucked his brains out!” Not only is it a classic line in what is essentially B-movie pulp sci-fi, it is delivered with such expertise, completely straight-faced and with not the slightest hint of a wink or nod, that I am left positively cheering at the screen whenever it arrives. There’s plenty of other magnificently Z-grade lines; Neil Patrick Harris gets a few good ones (“We’re going back to P to capture that Brain”), especially once he’s graduated to military intelligence and starts wearing a Gestapo outfit.

    Helping everything along is a truly stirring score from Basil Poledouris. Almost the equal of his classic Conan the Barbarian score, the ST soundtrack perfectly matches the pace and tone of the film. Listening to it in isolation still manages to get the blood flowing quicker round the body.

    Which brings me back to the sheer joy of seeing such an epic sci-fi spectacle delivered with such panache. Any quibbles about remaining faithful to the source material are swept aside when there is this much fun to be had with what is on show. I can quite happily sit back and enjoy a comic-book adventure about a young soldier’s rapid rise through the ranks of a futuristic intergalactic army. Or I can simply enjoy the superlative action, violence and special effects. Or I could laugh out loud at the sly digs the film makes about politics and war. Or better still, enjoy all three at the same time.

    [xrr rating=5/5]

  • The Day That Time Stood Still

    If you’re still lucky enough to have a job, especially one of the office variety, then no doubt you will have had to endure those sorts of training courses which have been deemed as “essential” for all staff. You know the sort I mean: data protection, financial regulations, health and safety; generic courses full of worthy-but-dull legal speak which merely serve to wash the employer’s hands clean of any liability should an employee do something wrong, stupid or naughty and get caught in the process.

    I had the misfortune to sit through another one of these courses on a recent Tuesday afternoon. You can instantly tell when you are in the midst of one, because they share the same characteristics:

    1. Einstein’s theory of relativity is confirmed, by the manner in which time grinds to a halt. The clock in the training room, which is always large and prominently featured, takes great pride in displaying how long a single second can be drawn out.
    2. Other employees, the vast majority of whom you have never seen before and almost certainly never will again, turn up expressly for the purpose of engaging the trainer in long-winded, drawn out conversations about minute aspects of the subject which are only relevant to their area of work, thereby prolonging the agonising dullness of the course for everybody else.
    3. You take far greater interest in your fingernails than is normal.
    4. You start to envy the freedom of nature through the window, which will invariably show smug-looking birds flying around in the air in a deliberate attempt to taunt you.
    5. You begin to daydream…

    This last one is a serious weakness of mine, something I am particularly susceptible to when the course in question is becoming bogged down in legalese jargon or has succumbed to ‘death by Powerpoint’. The upside to this is that I can amuse myself with fantasies of some never-to-be world where I have become impossibly successful or dashing. I shan’t bore you with the details, but these moments do help stimulate other thoughts. For instance:

    • Who would I cast as a new Ghostbuster in the upcoming sequel…?
    • Who should direct a new Alien film…?
    • What might make a good title for a new Indiana Jones movie…?
    • Which essential, must-have dvds are missing from my collection…?
    • How much would a new surround sound system cost…?

    Alas, the problem with modern training courses is that one is not allowed to fall ever deeper in to these private thoughts, because all courses must now include some element of interactivity and, God help us, “role-play”. Role-play: one of my most dreaded words. Suddenly you’re thrust in to the centre of the room and forced to make an idiot of yourself, desperately trying to marshal whatever thoughts you can recall from the course so far, hoping that someone else will be just as bad or possibly even worse than you at whatever exercise you’ve been asked to do. It’s quite a shock to those of us who are more of the “sit-quietly-in-the-corner” ilk.

    Eventually, after what seems like an eternity, freedom is granted and you make your way merrily back to the office, grateful to do something as uninteresting as checking emails. The problem is that the private thoughts tend to stay longer with me than the contents of the course, the latter usually managing to quietly sneak out of my brain that very same evening. Still, even if the course failed to linger for very long, at least I have a better idea of who should play the new Ghostbusters.

  • Alien: Rebooted

    News that I had been dreading for quite some time (ever since Aliens vs Predator: Requiem tanked) finally broke a couple of weeks ago – 20th Century Fox are drawing up plans to remake/reboot Alien. Only chit-chat so far, but there seems little doubt that a new project is in the works, and is unlikely to be a direct continuation of the original series.

    It seemed inevitable somehow, given the current fad for rebooting/remaking anything that ever made a reasonable amount of money in the past. The recent box-office success of Star Trek has only intensified studio efforts to look at which proven money-maker could be dusted off next. But that does nothing to quell the anger and despair at seeing something you love being butchered, broken up and sold off to make a fast buck. News that should be some form of consolation, namely that Ridley Scott would be co-producing this new take with his brother Tony, does little to asuage my fears.

    My problem is that any sort of prequel or reimagining would destroy the elemental mystery of the original. Of course it would be interesting to know the origins of the Alien, and also that of the doomed Space Jockey. But do we really want to know? Would it not cancel out the original film’s unique atmosphere of ancient and otherwordly terror? Is it not better the leave the creature’s true origins obscured, impossible to determine, thereby enhancing its unnatural horror?

    I trust Sir Ridley enough to assume that he has thought this through already and found a story angle that won’t ruin his first masterpiece. But I can’t help but fear that I will follow each new announcement of the project with a sinking feeling inside – especially if the director turns out to be a “hot new talent” from the world of music videos or visual effects. Spare us that at least.

    The new Predator project (possibly to be directed by Neil Marshall it seems) appears to be a sequel of sorts to the originals. Let’s hope the new Alien will similarly respect the qualities and intentions that marked out its original so vividly.

  • The new 1982

    Blade Runner, E.T., The Thing, Poltergeist, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Creepshow, Conan the Barbarian, Tron… all great films and all released in 1982, a year commonly picked as a golden one for genre cinema (just ask the Ghost). Men of a certain age may remember visiting their local cinema to catch these classics-in-the-making; sadly I was too young at the time to see most of them.

    The one that I did get to watch was E.T., which my dad took me to see in a long-since closed one screen fleapit. Cinema trips were pretty rare for us back then, so it was a special treat to be taken (once a year was about it). The hype for E.T. had been steadily growing – the poster image of the iconic logo’s two letters, together with the moon and silhouetted bike rider, seemed to be everywhere. I remember the backs of a few breakfast cereal boxes at the time having background scenes from the movie painted on, and you could stick some free stickers of characters anywhere you liked in the scene. The story captured my imagination immediately, long before even seeing the movie. I don’t remember much at all about the actual day I went to see it, but I think it’s a safe bet I was entranced throughout. It’s a movie I still love today; more than any other film it instantly takes me back to my childhood, and its status as a children’s classic is indisputable.

    Since then of course I have caught up with the other treasures of ’82, and it is a source of some regret that I could not catch them first time around (mind you, the same goes for many other movies). The fact that one year in particular is singled out by a generation as better than most suggests an unusual convergance of quality, something out of the ordinary – when ideas and scripts and directors and studio greenlights happily coincided, resulting in a number of special films being released over the same few months.

    So the obvious question begged is: could it happen again? Or perhaps it has already happened? Are there more recent years that saw great genre films released which could also stand the test of time? I offer below three possible candidate years which could emerge in the future as a new 1982:

    1. 1999

    This is an obvious one, a year made especially memorable by the release of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. The hype from years of expectation, the great teaser trailers, the posters – culminating in a film that simultaneously caused rejoicing and bitter disappointment for many. I enjoyed it the first time around, and there are still some aspects which are good fun, especially the duels with Darth Maul and the pod race.

    Beyond Star Wars, 1999 also saw some other strong genre films released, especially of the horror variety. The big success story was The Sixth Sense, the film that refused to stop raking in money because everyone had to see it twice, thanks to its infamous twist. It’s still an effective ghost story, but to my mind not quite as good as Stir of Echoes, released the same year but which died a quick box-office death because of its perceived similarities with the Bruce Willis effort. Starring Kevin Bacon and based on a story by Richard Matheson, it’s well worth seeking out.

    The other big horror film of the year was The Blair Witch Project, another money spinner but for quite different reasons. The first film that really used the internet to build awareness, it was very much a Marmite movie: you either love it or hate it. I was one of the ones that loved it, and it still gives me the creeps every time I see it.

    For SF fans 1999 gave us The Matrix, which came out of nowhere to quickly become a new yardstick in mind-blowing sci-fi. Though it borrowed elements from earlier science fiction classics like The Terminator, it undeniably fashioned them in to a brilliant new whole, using the then-hot topic of hackers and the internet as a jumping off point in to a world of machine domination, human enslavement and rebellion.

    Another children’s classic was born with The Iron Giant, a wonderfully intelligent and touching animation that in some ways was reminiscent of E.T. – following a young boy’s friendship with an alien outsider. Brad Bird’s film managed to be both a decent adaptation of a much-loved story, as well as a film that could be enjoyed by anyone. Its swift demise at the box office was attributed to a poor marketing campaign by Warner Bros.

    There were other memorable films too: David Fincher’s brilliant dark satire Fight Club became an instant cult classic; The Mummy was a very likeable piece of Indiana Jones-style fantasy adventure escapism; and Austin Powers follow-up The Spy Who Shagged Me nicely lightened the mood with its extremely silly spy spoofery. There were other films technically released in 1999 like Sleepy Hollow, The Green Mile and Galaxy Quest, but they didn’t get released in the UK until 2000, so I’ve left them off.

    2. 2002

    2002’s crop of films also had several highlights amongst them. I could start with E.T.’s 20th anniversary re-release, but that seems a tad unfair so I’ll skip it. If 1999 was the year of Star Wars, then in 2002 it was all about Spider-Man. Long in the works, this eagerly anticipated superhero movie became a box-office phenomenon – not surprising considering that comic-book adaptations were all the rage, yet fellow iconic comic-book characters Batman and Superman were still in the wilderness, awaiting rebirth. Though not as good as the first Batman and Superman films, it was still fine entertainment, and it paved the way for its superior sequel two years later.

    Marvel also found success with sequel Blade II, directed by Guillermo del Toro. A strong sequel to the 1998 original, it boasted plenty of action, del Toro’s trademark fantasy-horror atmosphere and a decent villain in Luke Goss. Some preferred the original, but I would say both are as good as each other, just in different ways.

    My personal favourite of the prequels, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones tried to fix the problems evident in Episode I. Jar Jar Binks was relegated to a cameo, Natalie Portman was sexed up a bit, the action quotient was significantly increased and Ewan McGregor’s Obi-Wan started to become the great Jedi knight spoken of in the original films. It also had a lighter tone than its much darker successor, and is the most purely enjoyable prequel as far as I’m concerned.

    Jason Bourne began his quest to regain his memory in The Bourne Identity, quite the best spy thriller for some years. Many reviewers preferred the Paul Greengrass-directed sequels, but Doug Liman’s original is just as good in my book, maybe even superior. Liman seems to have done his homework and studied the classic thrillers of the 70s – his film feels like an updating of those in many ways, with its concentration on plot rather than action. The action is still good of course: the car chase here was the best since 1998’s Ronin, and far more effective than those of its sequels.

    Speilberg’s Minority Report was an impressive if flawed sci-fi thriller based on Philip K. Dick’s story; intelligent and exciting, it was highly anticipated given the potential of the material matched with the calibre of director. It wasn’t quite the classic it might have been; if Blade Runner proved anything, it was that Dick’s stories work best with a truly visionary director able to project a sense of darkness and paranoia, like Ridley Scott. Speilberg, for all his talents and strengths, doesn’t do ‘dark’ very well, but nevertheless it’s a fine SF film.

    It was a good year for low-budget British horror, especially werewolves and the undead. 28 Days Later was Danny Boyle’s stab at reviving the zombie sub-genre, and, though derivative (harkening back to the likes of The Day of the Triffids), it was extremely effective. Shot on digital video, the film had an authentic ‘survivalist’ feel to it, and the bleak tone was a refreshing jolt. Neil Marshall’s Dog Soldiers on the other hand plundered from the likes of Aliens and The Evil Dead to concoct a highly enjoyable tongue-in-cheek horror thriller set in the wilds of Scotland – it was cheap and cheerful in the very best sense.

    M. Night Shyamalan returned with Signs, a film about a global alien invasion but told from the perspective of a preacher and his family living out in the sticks. If you can look past the odd narrative weakness, it’s actually a pretty good yarn, but admittedly it does depend on your opinion of M. Night.

    Other films worthy of note were Reign of Fire, an underrated apocalyptic tale of dragons taking over the British Isles; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams, easily the best of the Spy Kids films and certainly a very likeable family film; and Eight Legged Freaks, that year’s Snakes on a Plane – a film that drew huge attention just from its great B-movie-esque title, and wound up being reasonable fun.

    Finally, there was the double whammy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Harry Potter was fun, but The Two Towers was in a totally different league. Following on from The Fellowship of the Ring, director Peter Jackson superbly juggled the three main narrative threads (Frodo and Sam, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, and Merry and Pippin) whilst delivering an atmospheric and epic adventure. Though Fellowship may just edge ahead as the best of the trilogy, Two Towers is a very close second.

    3. 2008

    What, last year? Well yes, actually. There were some pretty damn good genre films in 2008, and top of the heap would probably have to be The Dark Knight, director Christopher Nolan’s follow-up to his 2005 caped crusader reboot, Batman Begins. Opening to staggeringly good reviews, TDK quickly became a fan favourite, and it’s not hard to see why. Continuing Bruce Wayne’s quest to rid Gotham City of crime, he finds himself up against The Joker, an insane(?) criminal who becomes Batman’s nemesis. A large part of the film’s success comes down to the late Heath Ledger, whose brilliant interpretation of the famous villain eclipses every previous portrayal. It has a few minor flaws certainly, but TDK as a Hollywood blockbuster is still a wonder to behold.

    Most anticipated film of the year (for people of a certain age anyway) was surely Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, the long, long awaited return of cinema’s greatest archaeologist. Not seen on the big screen since 1989, Indy, like Episode I, had to shoulder the weight of enormous expectations, and unsurprisingly it failed to meet them for many people. I myself enjoyed it a lot, thanks mainly to the sure hands of Harrison Ford and Speilberg, though it probably ranks as the least of the four films so far. Sensibly updating the “teacher” (part-time) to the 1950s, it’s a great last hurrah for the venerable hero.

    Iron Man surprised many by becoming one of the big successes of the year. Taking one of Marvel’s second tier superheroes and catapulting him in to the major league, Iron Man was quality entertainment, with Robert Downey Jr. giving a barnstorming performance in the lead role.

    Marvel also found success with their Incredible Hulk sequel/reboot. Not as successful (critically or commercially) as Iron Man, it still by and large pleased the fan community, supplying the popcorn thrills missing from Ang Lee’s original. I liked it a lot, though no more than Lee’s effort – both are very different takes on the character, but both have qualities I enjoy. Surely the perfect Hulk film must lie somewhere between the two?

    More comic-book shenanigans came in the form of Hellboy II: The Golden Army, del Toro’s sequel to his 2004 original. Upping the fantasy elements considerably from Hellboy part one, this was a rich, majestic-looking work that many felt was an improvement on the original. Again, I felt the sequel complemented rather than significantly surpassed the first film. But great entertainment once again.

    The summer’s best family film came courtesy of Pixar: Wall-E was hailed as an instant classic, and it’s difficult to argue against that view. The bravura opening 20 minutes or so as the audience is introduced to the charming titular waste collecting machine are utterly beguiling, and though the film feels a little long (a common nitpick of mine with most of Pixar’s films), it’s difficult to point out unnecessary scenes. A fantastic piece of work from start to finish.

    Bookending the year was Cloverfield, the ‘Godzilla-meets-The Blair Witch Project handheld video monster movie’ that proved to be much better than it sounds, and Quantum of Solace, Daniel Craig’s highly anticipated return to the role of James Bond following the superb Casino Royale.

    So, are any of these candidates worthy of comparison to 1982? Or is there another year I’ve overlooked?

  • Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (2007)

    Well, finally we come down to it. After the glorious heights reached by the Alien franchise, we come now to the water circling the toilet bowl that is Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (also variously called AvP-R or AvP2). Of course, this is a spin-off series and not part of the ‘true’ franchise (and nobody can tell me any different), but even so, it’s a sad day indeed to see the dreck to which the once mighty monsters have been reduced.

    After the original AvP had been met with indifference and disappointment, hopes were not high for a sequel. Certainly it had been a financial success, easily making its budget back, so a follow-up was more than likely. But could a sequel rescue the Aliens and Predators from the mediocrity of Paul Anderson? Initial signs were mixed. Anderson was quoted as saying he would not be returning for a sequel, which certainly drew a huge sigh of electronic relief across the web. However, the bad news was that the screenwriter quietly attached to the project was Shane Salerno.

    Salerno was well known for being involved on the first AvP project as Anderson’s co-writer and script polisher (yes, the script was polished apparently), though he was uncredited on the finished version. In fact, that led to the laughable situation of original Alien writers Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett being given a scripting credit, even though neither had touched it. Given that the first AvP script was not exactly a roaring success, Salerno’s return was something of a disappointment.

    On the other hand, in addition to booting out Anderson, Fox studio head Tom Rothman had publicly stated that the sequel would be aiming for an R rating, as opposed to AvP’s more timid PG-13. This opened up the possibility that the studio had actually listened to the fans and was aiming to make a film that better honoured its sci-fi horror origins.

    Alas, it wasn’t to be. One is tempted to lay the blame at the door of the directors, the Brothers Strause – special effects specialists who were described as huge fans of the earlier films (as Anderson was too). How one shuddders these days when one hears of a film being directed by a first time director whose background is in SFX. Rarely do SFX crew make great directors; in fact, more often than not, their films are catastrophic failures: loud, flashy and without two brain cells to rub together.

    The Brothers Strause (who almost invite mockery with their billing) clearly wanted to make a good film, but what became apparent was that the studio were determined to keep Salerno’s script and simply hired someone who could capably shoot it. And Salerno’s script was utterly dire, thereby dooming the whole enterprise. Even if the directors were talented (which is debatable, shall we say), it is unlikely anything could have been salvaged from this pile of manure.

    Where to even begin? How about the setting? Small town America. What could be more exciting than seeing Aliens and Predators duking it out in shops and restaurants, right? Well, frankly, anything would have been better. Nothing can demystify and diminish the threat and horror of these creatures more than having them in an everyday setting. The Aliens clearly belong in the future, far from Earth; the Predators seem best suited to exotic and challenging locations. I don’t want to champion the first AvP, but at least it tried to keep the setting as hostile as its guests (both Alien and Predator). Seeing an Alien walk through a swing-door in to a roadside cafe kitchen is perhaps the most heart-sinking moment I have witnessed on screen since James Bond’s car turned invisible in Die Another Day. One could almost hear the nails being banged in to the series’ coffin on that occasion; so it is here.

    The characters are just as depressingly mundane. It has been said before in other reviews, but it’s worth repeating: the hero of the tale is a pizza delivery boy. Who on earth thought that was going to be a good idea? The original films thrived thanks to the human characters whose strength and spirit allowed them to triumph over the creatures. This time we have to put up with an adolescent who is pining for a girl he has a crush on at school. Oh, and there’s also his older brother, who has just been released from jail. And a female soldier just back from Afghanistan (or was it Iraq? I forget), who is trying to become a mum again to her small child. It’s all just so TV-movie-of-the-week. The actors seem to do their best, but with so little to work with, performances are merely perfunctory.

    One might look for consolation in the action or special effects, especially considering the directors’ backgrounds. Sadly, there’s not much doing here either. One or two moments, where the pace quickens sufficiently to reawaken your interest, is not enough. The effects are ok, but the gore factor is turned up considerably, to the point where it far exceeds anything in the original films. It feels like a desperate attempt to be trendy for the Saw generation. Gore should be used wisely, and sparingly – any good director worth his salt knows that. It should serve the story. There is a time and a place for gooey goodness, of course, but in the Alien or Predator films, it should be used in moderation, at key moments.

    Even from a technical standpoint, the film fails to achieve basic competence. Most of the photography in the film is so dark it’s often hard to make out what’s going on. This is presumably to try and obscure the film’s low budget build an atmosphere of forboding and dread. Well, it doesn’t work. Neither does the pacing. When the studio released the first five minutes of the film on to the web, the main response from fandom was: “Er, it’s going a bit fast, isn’t it?” No time is wasted at the beginning in trying to establish any sort of interest or tension; instead, it feels like a Star Trek episode trying to set up the story in the first three minutes before the theme tune and credits start.

    Why the studio should treat not one but two of their crown jewel franchises in this way is beyond comprehension. Surely it has not come to the point where both series could only be used to make a quick buck? Surely they can’t be this eager to bury them?

    The truth is, the studio didn’t know what to do with them and, frightened they might miss out on making some money while they dithered, the AvP series was launched to see if there was still enough interest amongst cinema goers to sustain the franchises. The trouble is, they forget to attach proper talent to the films, which resulted in mediocre products that people aren’t interested in. Which ironically, and sadly, might mean that the franchises really are now dead. Way to go, Tom.

    An AvP3 apparently remains a possibility; lately there have also been rumours of the Predator series going it alone again, which to me seems the preferable option. Given the poor quality of this sequel, the next logical step is direct-to-dvd piffle. Almost unthinkable.

    But what of the Aliens? For the time being, it seems they have been frozen and put in to hypersleep. But my guess is that they are too good (and too profitable) a monster to stay down for very long. Their time will come again. One way or another, they – and the bitch – will be back.

    [xrr rating=1/5]

  • Alien vs Predator (2004)

    Last year, in a fit of unabashed love for my favourite film series, I reviewed all four Alien movies. I don’t normally write reviews on my blog, having neither the requisite skills nor time to do so on a regular basis, but this franchise is a big part of my movie DNA and a personal write-up extolling their virtues seemed long overdue. The Alien franchise consists of four films, but the Aliens themselves proved to be too big for one franchise and they managed to appear in two further movies: a spin-off series co-starring another monstrous intergalactic species of the cinema – the Predator. Yes my friends, I’m talking about the oft-maligned Alien(s) vs Predator, and for the sake of completeness I’m going to review them both. Strap yourselves in, because we’re on an express elevator to Hell.

    After Alien: Resurrection’s mediocre financial and critical reception, a fifth entry seemed to be an increasingly remote proposition. Sigourney Weaver’s fee alone was probably a major part of the financial headache, even if a satisfactory storyline could be hammered out, which apparently it couldn’t. Years went by, but fan interest in a new chapter remained steady. Somewhere along the line original Alien director Ridley Scott started to circle a new instalment, raising the hopes of many a sci-fi fan. His story preference was to visit the Alien homeworld, a quite daring idea which would demand a director of his vision and calibre to deliver a film that could live up to the fanbase’s high expectations. Aliens director James Cameron was also reported to have joined the effort in a writing and/or producing capacity, to try and move the franchise forward. Surely with these two Alien alumni onboard, the next chapter was a surefire winner?

    Well, 20th Century Fox obviously didn’t think so, because it was abandoned in favour of their long-gestating crossover concept, Alien vs. Predator (commonly shortened to AvP). AvP started out as a comic book series in 1990 (titled Aliens vs Predator, as Cameron’s film was by far the more popular of the two flicks at the time) and was famously suggested in the same year’s Predator 2 when Danny Glover’s character examined a Predator’s hunting trophy case, among whose contents was a very familiar looking elongated skull. The popularity of the idea did not go unnoticed by the studio and they bought Peter Brigg’s initial treatment in 1991. But Weaver dismissed the idea as terrible and, unable to finalise a satisfactory script, it was shelved.

    Fast forward to the early 2000s, when the Alien series seemed to be without life (as did the Predator – a third film was in development for much of the early 90s, but failed to progress). Pitches for an AvP movie had come and gone with no success. Then in 2002, seemingly out of nowhere, the project was greenlit. Cue much rejoicing… until, that is, it was revealed the man into whose hands the long-cherished project had fallen was none other than Paul W.S. Anderson.

    To say there was disappointment would be to understate the reaction. Anderson was by and large loathed by the genre community. His adaptation of hit video game Resident Evil (2002) was met with derision by fans, while his earlier Soldier (1998) starring Kurt Russell was universally agreed upon as a complete waste of money and talent, despite the original script receiving strong reviews. The previous year’s Sam Neill/Laurence Fishburne starrer Event Horizon had appeared to show some promise, though it failed to live up to its pre-release hype as the scariest sci-fi horror since Alien.

    Hopes had been dashed, expectations cruelly slashed, skinned and strung up like a victim of the Predator itself. Two franchises with strong fanbases felt betrayed. Not even the casting of Aliens veteran Lance Henriksen could lift the general air of gloom about the project. The problem was that Anderson was (and is) a hack, a director who does enough to make a decent-enough looking film, but no more. We were treated in the past to some great directors of vision and true craftsmanship. Anderson is neither; prone to MTV-style editing and effects, and shameless in his ransacking of older, better movies, his films lack any memorable, outstanding or original moments. They totally fail to conjure any sort of tangible atmosphere, and the less said about his writing, the better – the word “cliché” apparently does not exist in Anderson’s book. I won’t go so far as to say he cannot direct at all, as his career clearly shows that he has managed to; but no discernible talent has yet been displayed, so quite how he manages to continue bagging top Hollywood directing gigs is beyond me.

    When the film opened in 2004, it was met with predictable criticism. The usual Anderson trademarks were on display: little-to-no characterisation; awful dialogue; no atmosphere; gaping plot holes; silly SFX scenes; and the overall pervading air of desperation and eagerness-to-please. Of all the crimes committed in this film, the bullet-time shot of a facehugger flying through the air is about the worst, though I’m sure everyone could list their own personal ‘favourite’. In particular, the decision to aim for a PG-13 rating in the States was singled out as a chief flaw, though I doubt a bloodier version of the same film would have improved matters much.

    For non-fans it seemed to be an acceptable enough 90 minutes of sci-fi action, and to be fair it is competent studio product, but for me that’s the point: the other Alien films were much more than just product. They were ‘real’ films, born of a director’s vision – even Alien 3 was such, despite its infamous history of studio interference. Anderson is not a visionary like Scott, Cameron, Fincher or Jeunet, and unless something spectacular happens, he is unlikely to become so. That Fox considered hiring him at all to bring this film to the screen was a crime against cinema.

    So what of the film itself? Well, despite all the above, there are one or two positive aspects to it. The seeds of a good story are in evidence: elements of the comic-book are mixed up with ‘Chariots of the Gods’-style historical fantasy, the film positing that Predators have been visiting Earth for thousands of years, worshipped as gods as they used humans and Aliens to establish a rites-of-passage challenge for their young. Interestingly it tries to position itself as a prequel to the first Alien movie: Henriksen’s character, Charles Weyland, is a nod to his earlier portrayal of the android Bishop in Aliens, evidently designed in tribute to the co-founder of the Company.

    To his credit Anderson does try and build up atmosphere by concentrating on the human characters to begin with, delaying the onscreen introduction of the two monsters for a good while. And if the film had to be set on Earth (which it didn’t), then Antarctica is a good location choice – the inhospitable environment has the makings of a very alien setting (and of course it was mentioned at the start of the first Alien film). The pyramid under the ice set looks fantastic, and the first time an Alien comes face-to-face with a Predator is the closest the film comes to being genuinely exciting.

    Sadly, Anderson squanders it all by failing to make any of the human characters interesting or the action thrilling. The aforementioned bullet-time facehugger is a classic head-slapper, but there are many others, like the opening lines of the dire dialogue: “Where’s the signal coming from?” “Sector 14.” “But there isn’t anything in Sector 14.” “There is now…” Ooooooh, scary. Actually, no it isn’t – it’s risible.

    Plot holes abound: if Predators visit this pyramid every 100 years to hunt Aliens, then how the hell did the Aliens hatch in 1804, 1704, etc. when no humans were on the continent to act as incubators? Did they just turn around in their spaceship and fly home, grumbling to themselves about coming all this way for nothing? Why on earth would Weyland’s team bring that much firepower to an archaeological expedition? And the Alien lifecycle seems to have been sped up significantly for the convenience of the plot…

    It’s all very frustrating, because with a director of just a bit more talent, a half-decent film could probably have been churned out. As it is, it’s not even half-decent. The sense of disappointment considering its enormous potential means it will forever be a rather sad experience for this fan. That said, it looks pretty good (at least the production values are easy to admire) and there are one or two potentially cool moments, which makes it better than some of the direct-to-dvd dreck you might otherwise encounter. So if you do find yourself watching it for whatever reason, then just remember to tell yourself: it’s a comic-book spin-off, not a real Alien movie. It helps lessen the pain, and who knows? You might even not hate it.

    [xrr rating=2/5]

  • Where have all the DVDs gone? Part II: The Recession

    Firstly, apologies (to anyone who cares) for the long absence since my last post – time seemed to get sucked away from me, what with DIYing a new bathroom and the rather busy Christmas period. Hope you had a good break, anyway. My old Sony CRT television decided to give up the ghost during December, so I’ve now upgraded to a 40inch Sony LCD, which has also (agreeably) taken up some of my time. Good for dvd-watching (next on the shopping list: a Blu Ray player), not so good for Freeview-watching – everything gets quite blocky in low-lit scenes. But I’ll get used to it I suppose.

    Anyway, I digress. Back in July 07, not long after I first started writing this little blog-ette, I wrote a small piece lamenting the decline in the number of high street retailers selling dvds. What on earth is a film addict supposed to do with their lunch break if there are no discs to peruse? Back in those easy-credit days, I rather glumly noted:

    “…enjoy your high street dvd retailers while they’re still there: you never know when they’ll be forced to pack up and go the way of the do-do.”

    Curse my prophetic words of doom! 18 months on, we’re in the grip of a rather nasty recession that no-one seemed to predict (with the exception of Vince Cable, apparently) and high street retailers are falling over left, right and centre. This week alone has seen the final demise of Woolworths, one of the last remaining shops stocking a reasonable number of dvds instore. This was a particularly painful loss, not just for me but for the British people in general; long had Woolies been the shopper’s refuge from rain, the source of useful odds and ends, and the rites-of-passage that was the singles, album and film charts. Of course I bought my first 45s and cassettes there, but also my first videos: copies of Alien or Star Wars, plus battered old lesser items rescued from the bargain bin (RoboCop for £3 – that was good in them days).

    In recent years you could still find the occasional nugget of gold, but the internet really ate in to its trade. Even so, the most I would have expected is that it would give up selling music and films, and concentrate on its more profitable areas of trade – sadly, it appears that there were no profitable areas. At all.

    However, the internet has not been immune to the credit crunch either. Zavvi became the first major online dvd retailing casualty, closing its website just before Christmas 2008 (though its stores remain open for the time being). Who’s next? It’s a fair bet that other online retailers will follow suit. The top players like Amazon and Play.com should be able to weather the storm, but if Zavvi and Woolies can go down the pan, then so could anyone else, quite frankly.

    So, who’s left then? On the high street, if Zavvi disappear, then HMV are basically the last man standing. No other nationwide music/film/games retailers spring to mind. If you’re feeling charitable you might include Blockbusters, but they concentrate on rentals, and they certainly don’t stock music. If you’re lucky, a supermarket might have a reasonable selection on offer, but for sheer choice, they can’t compete with a specialist trader.

    Does it even matter anymore? If we’ve got the internet, do we need a high street retailer? Well, it’s certainly true that nearly all of my filmic purchases are made via the web, but when I walk past a store like HMV, I still can’t resist poking my head inside to see what’s on offer. This is the modern dilemma of the physical entertainment form versus the digital. I like to see the films in front of my eyes – hold the packaging, admire the artwork, choose the one I like the look of best. Music fans who treasure their CD or vinyl collections will know what I mean. Browsing a store is so much more interesting than clicking around a website (though admittedly, not having to queue on the web is a definite plus). And how can a downloaded film or music collection ever be as interesting and fun as a real collection of discs, ones you picked up here and there down the years, and that can be lovingly admired and perused? The act of browsing can be very pleasurable, and that’s the experience the web and downloads have yet to match.

    So I will miss the high street dvd sellers – the Zavvis and Virgins, the MVCs and Music Zones, Choices, and of course Woolies – with their tempting but ludicrously over-priced chart displays and their bargain bins of naffness. I certainly enjoyed many a lunchtime searching for the nugget of gold hidden away in their stores. And if you happen to be walking past an HMV, pop inside and take a look around – don’t let it go the way of the do-do (or Woolworths).