Films: 3 – Rebecca; War Witch; Dead Before Dawn 3D
Beverages: 1 americano, 2 cokes, 1 red wine
Biscuits: 1
Verdict: Hopes for a four-film day were sadly dashed, but there can be no finer way to begin a festival day than seeing a classic Hitchcock, which Rebecca unquestionably is. The big screen really allows the gothic visuals and sumptuous sets to immerse the audience, while Hitch’s camerawork subtly suggesting the offscreen presence of the first Mrs De Winter works a treat. Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine in the lead roles are great, but the icing on the cake is a supporting cast that includes Nigel Bruce AND George Sanders – legends both.
After that came War Witch, a drama about a young girl brutally recruited in to a rebel army in the Congo and her attempts to deal with the atrocities she is forced to commit. It sounds harrowing and it occasionally is, but director Kim Nguyen sensitively portrays the violence and trauma that Komona undergoes, never allowing the film to become an ordeal. On the contrary, it’s a moving and rewarding experience.
Dead Before Dawn 3D rounded off the day with a welcome dose of silliness as zombie demons (a.k.a. Zemons) threaten to take over the world, in a homage to The Evil Dead among many, many others. The cast – including another legend, Christopher “Great Scott!” Lloyd – give it their all, summoning up plenty of giggles if not outright guffaws.
Films: 3 – Hope Springs; Camp 14: Total Control Zone; The Pleasure Garden
Beverages: 1 cappuccino, 2 teas, 1 coke
Biscuits: 2
Verdict: First full day of the festival began with a catch-up screening of Hope Springs, which I missed last night as it clashed with Woody Allen’s To Rome With Love. A few decent moments aside, Hope Springs felt artificial and often descended in to the painfully predictable. Meryl Streep reprises her role from Mamma Mia, while Tommy Lee Jones plays Tommy Lee Jones. Best bits played over the end credits.
Camp 14: Total Control Zone was eye-opening if nothing else – the true story of a man who escaped from a North Korea labour camp, where he had spent his entire life. Some pretty hideous stories emerge, and though director Marc Wiese admirably lets him speak for himself, the documentary would have benefited from a longer stay in the editing suite.
Finally, the Hitchcock Revisited strand kicked off with The Pleasure Garden, the director’s first full-length feature from 1925. Plenty of laughs, thrills and saucy goings-on in this ripe melodrama about two dancers on the London stage. A few unmistakable Hitch touches help it rise above the average.
Films: 2 – Tabu (pre-festival film so doesn’t really count); To Rome With Love
Beverages: 1 cappuccino, 1 tea, 1 glass of red wine
Biscuits: 1
Verdict: Good start. Tabu was a damn good warm-up, with its impressive and imaginative storytelling, followed by Woody Allen’s lightly enjoyable divertimento – an entirely inconsequential work but with enough laughs and silliness along the way to make it worth seeing. Those looking for any resemblance to the real world should apply elsewhere.
I’ve started a new blog that aims to document the history of the old Regal Cinema in St Ives, Cambridgeshire, which closed in 1985. I’m looking for personal stories and recollections, along with any images or memorabilia that may exist. Why The Regal? It was the first cinema I ever visited, when my dad took me to see E.T. in 1982. For me, it’s important that interesting parts of a community’s history aren’t forgotten, especially cinema-related ones, and it seemed as if The Regal was in danger of being entirely lost in the mists of time. So I’m hoping to fill in the gaps of its story, and perhaps by doing so celebrate cinema itself.
It’s a big year for fans of Alfred Hitchcock. The BFI’s The Genius of Hitchcock celebration is now in full swing, with the director’s surviving silent films having been fully restored and a complete retrospective taking place at the BFI Southbank. This year’s Cambridge Film Festival will also feature a Hitchcock strand, including his classic thriller Vertigo which recently ousted long-time champion Citizen Kane from the top spot in Sight & Sound’s decennial poll of the greatest films ever made, as decided by critics and key industry personnel.
It’s little wonder that Hitchcock continues to be feted over thirty years after his death. His ability to weave suspense, humour, artistry and cinematic innovation in to his films was uncanny, and means they are as richly entertaining as ever they were. The man has taken on an almost mythical status; partly his own doing (ever the showman, he put his instantly recognisable silhouette and slow, sonorous voice to good use) but also due to his extraordinary longevity. In a career spanning over fifty years, he churned out certified classics in every decade from the Roaring Twenties through to the Swinging Sixties, from his early days in the British film industry to his later years as Hollywood royalty.
Everyone has their favourite Hitchcock, but in order to avoid choosing a single film I thought I would instead list a few that I have long cherished, and which only seem to get better with age. I managed to catch them all while I was still fairly young – teens, anyway – with the exception of one (detailed below). Oddly, there are two films each from the 1930s, 50s and 60s, but none from the 1940s. Nothing against that decade – I love the likes of Lifeboat and Rebecca – but for some reason I didn’t catch up with them until relatively recently and so they haven’t had quite the same effect on me. Anyway, on with that list:
1. The 39 Steps (1935)
This was something of a wake-up call for me. I forget exactly when I first saw it, but it was one of the first films to make me realise that old didn’t necessarily mean outdated. I distinctly recall being pleasantly surprised by its innocent-man-on-the-run thrills (the term Hitchcockian begins in earnest here) and witty dialogue – laughing with it rather than at it. The line “Oh look, it’s a whole flock of detectives” as a police car’s route is blocked by sheep never fails to make me laugh out loud. Robert Donat as the urbane Hannay and Madeleine Carroll as the blonde he becomes attached to (in more ways than one) make for a feisty and droll onscreen couple. The hissing/crackly soundtrack notwithstanding, it holds up superbly today. Just go and see the stage version in the London West End for proof: it’s basically a facsimile, with the audience laughing at the exact same jokes.
2. The Lady Vanishes (1938)
One of the last films Hitch made in Britain before skipping across the Atlantic, this is another delicious suspenser with a generous helping of humour (in the style of The 39 Steps) with another great lead couple: Michael Redgrave and Margaret Lockwood. This time though, it’s the girl who takes the lead in trying to solve the mystery. I didn’t catch this one until a few years ago but it went straight on to my list of favourite Hitchcocks, not only because it’s such a richly enjoyable espionage yarn (set in central Europe with the shadow of war looming, leading to a tense and action-packed conclusion) but also because of the strong supporting cast, led by Basil Radford and Naunton Wayne as a pair of quintessentially English bachelors desperately trying to find out the cricket test score back home. Their delightful double act clearly went down well with audiences of the time because they reprised their roles in several later films (starting with Night Train to Munich, making The Lady Vanishes the first Hitchcock film to be sequelised).
3. Rear Window (1954)
Made when the director was at the peak of his powers, Rear Window continues to dazzle with every viewing. From the ingenious plot (wheelchair-bound photographer witnesses a murder from his window) to the atmospheric studio-built set to the greatest of his star pairings in James Stewart and the impossibly beautiful Grace Kelly, this is a film that sucks you in like no other. The way Hitchcock teases us in to enjoying the thrill of the voyeur is pure subversive magic; the lives of Stewart’s neighbours become as intriguing to us as the main storyline. THAT kiss between Kelly and Stewart was the abiding memory from my very first viewing; it has never been bettered. If, for some crazy reason, you haven’t yet seen it then watch it as soon as humanly possible. You won’t regret it. Dare I say, it might even be better than Vertigo.
4. North by Northwest (1959)
There might be less going on at the heart of North by Northwest than some of his other great works, but as an exercise in suspenseful spectacle and bravado, it’s unbeatable. Hitchcock recycles his beloved innocent-man-on-the-run story once again, but this time gives it the full epic treatment. Superb set-pieces tumble one after another: the murder in the United Nations building in New York, the climactic chase across Mount Rushmore, and of course the exquisite crop duster sequence – suave Cary Grant running away from a murderous agricultural aircraft has become one of cinema’s defining images. Immediately after seeing this on the big screen at university, I ran back home pretending to be chased by a plane (no, really). James Mason and Martin Landau add ice-cold charm as the villains of the piece, and beautiful Eva Marie Saint ably supplies the romantic interest. Never mind that the plot barely stands up to scrutiny; this is the great man having enormous fun with his most expensive toys. As an entry point for a first time Hitchcock viewer, it’s perfect. What’s not to enjoy?
5. Psycho (1960)
A stone-cold classic that spawned sequels, copycats and even its own sub-genre – the slasher movie. Made on a modest budget using the crew from his TV show, Hitchcock once again proved his ability to reinvent himself, switching effortlessly from the shiny spectacle of North by Northwest to the lurid pulp fiction of Psycho. Its notoriety – especially the shower scene – meant that I knew what was coming the first time I saw it (like most other people, I suspect), but its gothic horror still made a striking impression. For contemporary audiences it was shocking, not only for its seemingly graphic violence but also its sordid characters and storyline. Psycho‘s horrors are inevitably somewhat tamer now, particularly after the twists have been revealed. But what remains is a taut, oppressive, precision-engineered thriller, with Anthony Perkins superb as the mixed-up Norman Bates. And Hitch’s ability to lead the audience up the garden path never fails to impress – you hope Janet Leigh makes it out of Bates Motel alive every time you watch.
6. The Birds (1963)
The chief memory from your first viewing of Hitch’s other great horror will almost certainly have been that bit with the climbing frame. It works every time. Every time. My own initial viewing sticks in the memory because the video recorder failed to tape the last 30 seconds or so. Not that I knew this; I thought there must have been at least another five minutes to go. But no: borrowing a copy from a friend, I confirmed that the film just abruptly stops. I read somewhere that Hitch wanted it to end suddenly so as to leave the audience unsettled when they left the theatre. One can only assume he was successful in this. Even without that ending, The Birds remains an unnerving experience. Its ability to disturb has allowed the film in some ways to age better than Psycho; the monster here isn’t a certifiable loon but something seemingly far more benign. A world where nature turns on us is a far more potent fear today, with climate change apparently continuing apace, than it ever was in the director’s lifetime.
In the week that trilogy-capper The Dark Knight Rises is released, I thought it might be fun to look back at some past threequels which not only failed to meet the high standard achieved by their forebears, but did so by a wide margin. Not that I think Christopher Nolan has delivered a turkey to your nearest cinema – that seems almost inconceivable at this point – but it might help to deflate a little of the hype and expectation in which Rises is lavishly smothered.
There are LOADS of crappy Part IIIs of course, but I’m only looking at those that followed a strong original and a decent (or even great) part two; the second sequel thus ruining any legitimate chance of the trilogy being acclaimed as a whole. So films like Return of the Jedi, which are relatively inferior to their predecessors but still perfectly respectable entertainment, are disqualified.
TDKR follows Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, both very fine films in their own right. But will they go on to become an acclaimed trilogy? Early reviews suggest Yes, but I won’t find out until later today. (Oh, and who else thinks it’s a shame Batman Begins has Batman in the title? It would be much more fitting if all three had gone with the Dark Knight moniker. Could Nolan pull a ‘Lucas’ and retroactively change the title to The Dark Knight Begins? Too similar to The Dark Knight Rises, maybe. Can Batman both Begin and also Rise as well? What does he do in the middle chapter then? Just exist? So Part II should be re-titled The Dark Knight Is. Or maybe The Dark Knight Descends. Or how about The Dark Knight Emerges? Oh alright, I give up.)
Anyway, back to those dodgy threequels…
1. The Godfather Part III (1990)
Where else can one start but here? The Godfather and its immediate follow-up were models of intricate plotting and superlative performances masterfully woven together by their director. But Part III frequently succumbs to flabby plotting and occasional stretches of dullness, interspersed with a masterclass in How Not To Act from Sofia Coppola. It’s not a complete loss – Al Pacino and Andy Garcia are on great form – but it’s a long way off the first two. Mind you, so is pretty much everything else.
2. The Final Conflict (1981)
The Omen and its sequel Damien: Omen II are both very enjoyable horror romps. The original stands up remarkably well today thanks to Richard Donner’s pitch-perfect direction and its fantastic cast, while Part II amusingly ups the ‘accidental’ deaths and gore. But Part III fumbles the ball badly. The series’ trademark set-pieces are very ho-hum compared to what’s come before, while the plot (concerning the End of Days) is a load of old twaddle. It’s a disappointingly tame end to what was otherwise a memorable franchise, though on the plus side Sam Neill is brilliant, and it’s still better than the made-for-TV Part IV and the pointless 2006 remake.
3. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)
Look, no-one’s suggesting Stephen Sommers’ horror-adventure pastiches are misunderstood classics. But I’m on record as being a bit of a fan of his 1999 Mummy remake, with its old-fashioned heroics and swoony star pairing of Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz. The first sequel, 2001’s The Mummy Returns, lost some of the original’s charm in the onslaught of special effects, but kept enough of what worked to make it a fun ride. Sadly, Rob Cohen’s belated Part III has absolutely no charm whatsoever. Weisz bailed, and replacement Maria Bello couldn’t replicate the chemistry she shared with Fraser, who looks as if he was just waiting for his cheque to clear. And let’s not even get started on those Yetis.
4. Shrek the Third (2007)
A catastrophic drop-off in quality occurred somewhere along the way between Shrek 2 and 3. The first two films are great fun. This third entry was a complete snoozer. It was followed by Shrek Forever After, which was only marginally less snoozy. Perhaps the novelty had worn off by the time Part III emerged, but I think the problem is simpler than that: an unfunny script that can’t find anything new to do with its characters. If you really want a Shrek trilogy, bundle parts I and II together with last year’s spin-off Puss in Boots, which was actually quite fun.
5. Spider-Man 3 (2007)
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Blade: Trinity (2004)
Batman Forever (1995)
Superman III (1983)
Finally, here’s a few comic-book franchises that slipped up on their way to trilogy status – take your pick. Evidently there is a long-standing tradition for superhero threequels to shoot wide of the mark. I would argue that none of them are especially terrible (well, alright, maybe Blade 3); in fact they are quite enjoyable in parts. But all pale significantly in comparison with their respective parts I and II. Sometimes a change of director is to blame (a Bryan Singer-directed X-Men 3 would almost certainly have been a far better sequel than the bland Brett Ratner one we ended up getting), but in the case of Spidey 3 and Supes 3 the fault lies with pressure from the studio/producers who wanted the film to be made in a certain way, and the end result just doesn’t quite come together. On this evidence, it’s a brave man who takes on the challenge of making the third film in a superhero saga; but in Nolan we trust.
Following on from my review of The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, here’s a piece I wrote for Take One about its writers/producers/directors, Powell and Pressburger:
There’s a moment in A CANTERBURY TALE (1944), one of the less celebrated films in the oeuvre of Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger, which neatly sums up their importance in the history of British cinema. As the film begins, a group of medieval travellers are riding down Pilgrims’ Way to Canterbury, journeying to the grave of Thomas Becket. Up above, a hawk flies through the sky as his keeper watches below. As the camera follows the bird, the film cuts from one flying object to another – the hawk becomes a Spitfire, roaring loudly through the air, watched by a soldier below; and we have travelled through 600 years of English history in the blink of an eye. Below, a modern group of pilgrims are making their way to Canterbury, but this time they are servicemen and women, making their way to their respective positions in the war effort.
On Thursday night I was fortunate to be able to attend a Q&A session with director Ken Loach at the Cambridge Arts Picturehouse, which immediately followed a screening of his new film, The Angels’ Share. The film itself is a thoroughly enjoyable and occasionally gripping mixture of inner-city drama and whimsical heist caper about Robbie (Paul Brannigan), a young Glaswegian lad who narrowly avoids a prison sentence and becomes a father within the film’s first five minutes. Thanks to his social worker he discovers he has a keen whisky palate, and it’s a talent he puts to profitable use when the opportunity arises to steal an extremely rare cask of whisky, which is due to go up for auction in the next few days.
Loach seems quite at home (if that’s the right phrase) with the grim reality of living in a crime- and drug-ridden neighbourhood, and the difficulty anyone faces in trying to escape that world. The film doesn’t shy away from this: Robbie’s encounter with the victim of one of his violent outbursts is powerful stuff, making it clear the sort of person he is. But unusually for the director, the film takes a more upbeat path than expected, getting the audience on Robbie’s side and willing him to succeed in his elaborate scam, even though he’s breaking the law once again. Despite its comedy credentials – and it is very funny at times – Loach still views the film as a tragedy, even if this one did get away, as he puts it.
I admit here and now that I’ve not seen many of Loach’s film – something I intend to put right as soon as possible. But I am of course aware of who he is and how much his impressive body of work is valued both here in Britain and abroad. The Loach ‘brand’ (a phrase I am sure he would shudder at) is famous for stories and characters that are often variously described as ‘gritty’ and ‘social realist’ in nature – two phrases he declared he would like to see buried forever. His political views are worn very much on his film’s sleeves; they are not diatribes, but by focussing on those parts of society that are too often neglected or marginalised, it is clear they have an underlying message.
Loach was a fascinating speaker, and I count myself very luck to have heard him talk. For such a brave and forthright filmmaker, he is rather quiet and considered in person. His comments on the changes he’s seen during the course of his long career, in terms of both politics and cinema, were always interesting; whether it was lamenting the degree of micro-management that occurs in film production today, or the failure of politicians to tackle the rise in youth unemployment, which he sees as the cause of so many problems in society. The fact that politicians no longer campaign for full employment as they did in the 1960s seems to particularly disappoint him.
To have directors working in this country today who have seen nearly half a century of political and social change, and who still want to shine a light on people and communities who deserve a chance to turn their lives around, is a fact that should be celebrated. Loach brings with him a wealth of experience and intelligence which guarantees any new film of his will be worth a look, and you will almost certainly feel better for having seen it. We should treasure him for wanting to carry on shining a light through his films; let’s just hope he doesn’t have to put up with too much micro-management.
I’ve banged on about the overlooked merits of David Fincher’s Alien 3 elsewhere, but I’m more than happy for an excuse to talk it up again. It might not be the equal of its perfectly formed predecessors, but it’s a vividly atmospheric slice of sci-fi horror that brings Ripley’s story to a suitably fiery conclusion (until Alien: Resurrection anyway). Trust Fincher to sweep away the crumbs of comfort left over from Aliens and close the original trilogy with a crowd-unpleasing bleakness; yet with hindsight it’s a tone that feels absolutely right.
2. Predator 2 (1990)
Here’s another one I’ve flown a flag for in the past: the first sequel to one of the best sci-fi action films of the 80s. Though Arnie jumped ship (which doubtless scuppered the project from the start for many fans), there’s plenty to enjoy here – a fresh location and story (set amidst open warfare between drug cartels in L.A.), characters that aren’t bulging musclemen (the casting of Danny Glover is a remarkably brave one in this genre) and some pretty decent set-pieces. It may lack the suspense and memorable one-liners of the original, but those with an open mind will find plenty to chew on.
3. Psycho II (1983)
This sequel should have been a disaster. How on earth do you follow-up a Hitchcock masterpiece – one that was so successful it spawned its own sub-genre (the slasher movie)? The answer: switch genres to psychological thriller and keep the audience guessing as to whether Norman Bates is responsible for a new spate of murders. It works perfectly, thanks to neat misdirection from Richard Franklin and a pitch-perfect performance from Anthony Perkins, superbly reprising the role he was forever associated with.
4. Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002)
For my money this was the best of the prequels. It didn’t have the extended periods of tedium that afflicted The Phantom Menace, and neither did it tip over in to the overly dark faux-tragedy of Revenge of the Sith. Instead there’s intergalactic intrigue combined with some decent action and SFX; the addition of Christopher Lee and a sexed-up Natalie Portman don’t do any harm either. Shame that Anakin is still annoying as hell – his romance with Padmé is the worst part of the whole thing – but this is otherwise good clean fun. Just as a Star Wars film should be.
5. Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)
Before watching this, I was fully expecting a cheap and cheerful effort from a studio desperate to squeeze whatever drops of profitability remained from two of its most popular horror franchises. But with a script by Curt Siodmak (who wrote the original 1941 The Wolf Man) and efficient direction by Roy William Neill, the film in fact defies expectations to become a strong entry in its own right. In fairness, this is more ‘The Wolf Man II featuring a guest appearance from the Monster’ than a genuine Avengers-style team-up, but by saving the big meeting for the grand finale the film ends up a small treat. Let’s just ignore the labyrinthine Frankenstein family tree that allows a new descendant to appear in every sequel.
6. Quatermass 2 (1957)
I suspect this film’s reputation is already better than its simplistic title might otherwise indicate, but I’m more than willing to help raise its profile a little bit further. The first film in Hammer’s adaptations of Nigel Kneale’s groundbreaking TV series, The Quatermass Xperiment, was (and still is) a fine effort; but the sequel is a step up in every way. A shadowy government conspiracy, plenty of action and suspense, good use of atmospheric locations and tight direction from Hammer veteran Val Guest make this arguably the finest cinematic outing for Quatermass – even if Brian Donlevy remains miscast as the Professor.
7. Mimic 3: Sentinel (2003)
Shot with a tiny budget even by direct-to-dvd standards, this second sequel to Guillermo del Toro’s 1997 original unashamedly rips off Alfred Hitchock’s Rear Window by confining the film’s story almost entirely within a single location: the apartment of a young man who is housebound because of a crippling disease he suffered from as a child. He takes photographs through the window as a hobby, and notices that one or two of his neighbours are getting bumped off by a sinister looking thing. It’s nicely written and directed by J.T. Petty, and even though it feels a bit stretched (despite a sub-80 minute running time), it does have the feel of a pleasingly creepy short story.
8. Superman III (1983)
This entry is often accused of being the point at which the rot set in, as the series moved further away from the epic romance of Richard Donner’s original to the tongue-in-cheek silliness favoured by producers Ilya Salkind and Pierre Spengler. And of course that’s true to a large extent. But to write the film off entirely would be a mistake, as there’s also a fair bit to enjoy. Christopher Reeve is still on terrific form, and we get the added bonus of him playing an evil Superman when Kal-El splits in to two. The scenes between Clark Kent and Lana Lang when he returns to Smallville are nicely played. Richard Pryor is generally given too much screen time, but even so he still gets a good few laughs. And though the computer-centric plot is horribly dated, the cyborg woman who emerges near the end has an element of genuine comic-book scariness about it.
9. Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009)
Now this should have been perfectly dreadful. It’s not as if the original 1992 actioner starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren was anything more than a passable Terminator knock-off. The 1999 sequel was utter dreck, though it somehow limped in to a small number of cinemas before beating a hasty retreat to dvd. But this second follow-up (this time straight-to-dvd) manages to outclass both previous entries. Director by John (son of Peter) Hyams, the opening chase sequence compares favourably with anything from the Bourne franchise, while the rest of the film’s action (set within the ruins of Chernobyl) is visceral and intense, meagre budget notwithstanding. Notably, JCVD first appears onscreen around the halfway point and barely speaks a line throughout.
10. Return to Oz (1985)
Disney’s rather belated follow-up to the classic 1939 MGM musical goes down a darker path than its predecessor, more explicitly suggesting that Oz is just a figment of Dorothy’s over-active imagination. With no toe-tapping songs to its name, and with a cast of characters far creepier than before, it’s no wonder that Walter Murch’s film disappointed fans of the original. But time has been somewhat kinder to this admirable venture: its trouble production occasionally shows through (hasty script rewrites, followed by Murch being fired at one point) but its vision of Oz is one that continues to dazzle and scare in equal measure.
A few weeks back I suggested ten films that deserved a sequel but sadly never received one. The flip side of this would be a list of sequels that were made, but shouldn’t have been. This is a much harder task, given the sheer volume of sequels that disappointed or just didn’t measure up to the original; but here for your reading pleasure are a few of my choices of follow-ups that not only disappointed but utterly stained the film from whence they sprung.
1. Batman & Robin (1997)
Easy one, this. A genuine contender for Worst Sequel of All Time: a pun-drenched, painfully poor script from Akiva Goldsman; headache-inducing camerawork; the camp, dayglo production design; and a cast that couldn’t be more ill-suited to their characters. Result: franchise crash and burn (until Christopher Nolan’s 2005 reboot, anyway).
2. Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (2007)
Regular readers will know of my love of the Alien franchise, so this really was a heartbreaking moment for me. Regardless of whether you count it as a sequel to the original tetralogy or its immediate predecessor, AvP, this is a follow-up so genuinely unpleasant (tedious characters, tedious plot, nasty action) it just shouldn’t be watched. Even the studio realised this, hence the film’s cinematography being so dark it’s practically unwatchable anyway.
3. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
How the mighty have fallen. That Richard Donner’s original comic-book masterpiece should have given birth to this load of cheap old tat is unthinkable. Christopher Reeve is reliably excellent as usual, but he’s the sole reason for watching this poor excuse for milking a cash cow dry. Two words – Nuclear Man. I mean, what? Incidentally, what is it about part fours that consistently make them so much worse than any other sequels?
4. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Speaking of which, here comes another part four from 1987 that shits all over its classic 1970s forefather. Witness the inept direction and nonsensical plot: the way it tries to replay key moments from Spielberg’s film but completely fails to make them work. This is the film about which Michael Caine famously commented he hadn’t seen, but he had seen the house that it built – surely the only positive thing to emerge from this travesty.
5. Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
I don’t even remember what Exorcist II was about. All I can remember was a) it was a bizarre mess; b) there were quite a lot of locusts; and c) Richard Burton popped up. Probably best just to leave it there, to be honest.
6. Omen IV: The Awakening (1991)
Oh hello, another eye-gougingly awful part four. Seriously, if you’re a filmmaker asked to take on a third sequel to a great original – just leave well alone. This film was in fact a TV movie, an attempt to resurrect the Damien franchise that should have been left dead and buried after part three. Miraculously, it reached some cinemas in Europe. I pity the fools that paid money to watch its miserable attempts to stir up terror.
7. The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior (2008)
In which a warrior rises, apparently. Yes, I did watch this. No, I shouldn’t have. I quite enjoyed the first film – a bright and breezy sword-and-sandals actioner which tipped its hat to the slightly camp fantasy adventures of the 80s typified by Conan the Barbarian/Destroyer and the like. This direct-to-dvd follow-up looks like an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess, but on a lower budget. It does however win points for its hysterically funny giant invisible scorpion at the end, which looks like it might have been created on an Amiga 500. But what’s with all the pointless Greek mythology references?
8. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)
If I’ve learnt one thing from this article, it’s to fear sequels that are released in a year ending in 7. They are certain doom. Still, at least it wasn’t a part four (On Stranger Tides – which, in point of fact, was slightly better than part three). At World’s End was a near three-hour long barrage of noise, gloom, CGI action and general melancholic tedium. Despite the high volume levels, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to nodding off at the cinema (not counting the Alien Trilogy all-nighter, which saw me briefly flag at around 6am in the middle of Alien 3).
9. Ocean’s Twelve (2004)
Steven Soderbergh’s sequel to his highly enjoyable 2001 caper remake is a textbook lesson in How To Destroy Everything People Liked About The First Film. Here, the plot isn’t clever, it’s stupid; worse, it cheats by going back on itself and changing the rules. The plot point about Julia Roberts’ character looking quite like Julia Roberts is also gobsmackingly irritating, to the extent that you want to punch the film repeatedly in the face. ARRRRGH! *punches film in face*
10. Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990)
Let’s finish with another part four, shall we? Going down the prequel route, this unwanted drivel purports to show us how Norman Bates became the man we all loved to be scared of. In doing so, the film completely misses the point of Hitchcock’s classic original: that horror can be found lurking in the most ordinary and benign situations – even behind the eyes of a seemingly nice young man like Norman. Just awful.
